He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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