I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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