I just threw up on my dentist
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
