i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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