Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
