She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
