a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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