This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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