Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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