I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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