Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
