Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
