if only i could text you this smell
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
