Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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