I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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