so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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