Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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