wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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