If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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