Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
