At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
