I could make wine with my vomit
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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