hell yes lets make some ravioli
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
