google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
