I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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