Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
