her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize