I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
