those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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