I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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