Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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