Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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