drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
