he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
