I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
