I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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