i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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