taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
