Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
