last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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