fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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