So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
