he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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