Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
