I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
