You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
