Where did you get a picture of my penis
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize