I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
