Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Randomize