I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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