my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
