I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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