my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My vagina just recognized that song.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize