I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
