Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
