we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
