i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
