for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
