I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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