she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
