I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The beer is more important than you right now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
