...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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