I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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