What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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