This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
