You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
