Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
