you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize