Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
