I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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