My hand turned me down
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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