he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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