Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
