Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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