It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
