going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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