i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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