We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
