So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We got so high we made milksteak
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
