Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
