It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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